There’s so much I want to say, I don’t even know where to begin. It would be easier to have the conversation over coffee. However, this will have to do.
First, I am so sorry you had to deal with that- but I’m not surprised. As a Christian, I feel like I need to apologize for pretty much everything “we" do lately. The idea that the world hates us because of our “love for Jesus" makes me cringe. No. The world hates us because we’re hypocritical a$$holes.
I’ve seen the ministries, the caring for the needy, the help offered, and it almost always comes across as obligatory. Stuff one does to look good or for another notch in the belt. It’s rarely about caring for the other person, seeing them as an equal and friend instead of another opportunity to share the gospel.
And then there’s the pro-life people that want mothers to not abort their children. They throw money at the problem but offer nothing as far as connection or anything truly helpful. That’s what Christians have resorted to. Money, the gospel, and advice can solve all problems. Keeps hands clean, life orderly, and conscience clear.
I’m glad you were strong enough to 1) not give your daughter up, 2) know you would overcome the situation, 3) seek help despite not getting it, 4) parent the way you knew you should. Letting a child cry has never made sense to me. If my adult friend is crying I’m not going to ignore her or leave her alone. Why do we do that with babies that rely on us for everything, including security?
Anyways, I’m sorry that your experience left you with such bitterness for God. I don’t blame you. The people claiming to represent him were horrible. Please know that they did not offer an accurate representation. None of us really can, but some of us are worse at it than others. Well, actually we all suck equally but in different ways. Don’t look at the the ones speaking loudest, the ones politically motivated, or the ones full of judgment. They don’t speak for the rest of us or God.